How to make your Long Distance Relationship Work

People don't like entering into long distance relationship because they are not ready to be sincere, honest, faithful and trustworthy among others. Find out below how to make your long distance relationship successful.

Respect your partner

People aren’t showing their partner as much respect as they should be. A lot of times all we hear is, “me, me, me, me…” when it comes to people describing how they feel when their relationship is suffering. Often times, the feelings of their partner are overlooked, and they only are thinking about themselves.
They expect their partner to fulfill their every need and feel that it is their right. Now listen, your partner is only human they can only do so much and it would be impossible for them to meet your every expectation. They have lives outside of your relationship, just as you do, or should. When you feel you have been wronged in some way in your relationship, have an open mind –try to see things from your partner’s point of view.

How would you feel if you were on the other side of the issue? You may come to realize that you may react or do the same as them, or at least you will be able to understand why they react they way they do.
Let me give an example of a common issue, just to put this into context. Many times people will feel that their boyfriend or girlfriend does not care about them as much as they used to. This could be for various reasons, but usually they will begin to feel this way if their boyfriend/girlfriend stops doing nice things for them, or even when their phone conversations become limited or short and their boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t talk to them as much anymore, or even doesn’t want to.

In this situation, people will feel that their boyfriend/girlfriend is the culprit. They are the ones that do not want to talk; they are the ones that stopped doing special things. Now try to see things from their perspective. Maybe they have become bogged down by something going on in their lives, and they don’t have the time they used to. Maybe they feel there is not much to talk about and when they do get on the phone with you, you yourself don’t have much to say. Maybe they stopped doing special things, because you don’t hardly ever return the favor.

The point I am trying to make with this example is these that things can’t be overlooked. Always take into consideration your partner’s feelings and try to understand where they are coming from before you take any action. You need to respect their feelings before you attack them with words such as, “You don’t care about me anymore.” That can really hurt. So think about them next time and respect their feelings, by recognizing them and trying to do something about it, instead of expecting them to. I think you’ll start to see them reciprocating the respect you give them.

Do things to make your partner feel special

Try to think of something you can do everyday to show your partner that you care. This can be as little as saying “I love you.” Or, “I love talking to you.” Or even, “You make me happy.” Those little things will make them feel great and it will give them reassurance. Other things you can do… send a handwritten letter, email a picture of yourself to them, send a small gift, take an interest in their interests. For example, maybe you saw an article online that you think they would enjoy reading. Send it to them! Having constant reassurance that you care about them and think about them all the time will mean a lot. Not only they will benefit, but you will too, and your relationship will benefit from it tremendously. This is something so simple to do. It’s actually so simple that once a couple feels comfortable and settled in their relationship they tend to forget how important it is to do these little things for their partner.

Keep learning about each other

People often say they just don’t know what to talk about anymore. Not knowing what to say strains their phone calls which then causes arguments and a lot of bad feelings about relationships in general. Keeping that spark can be hard to do once a relationship’s newness has worn off.
Long distance couples use the phone a lot and/or have written hundreds of emails. What more can there possibly be to talk about? I can assure you, that there are things you don’t know about your partner, and you just haven’t realized it yet.

Trust each other

Another issue is the lack of trust in people in long distance relationships. Rule of thumb? Don’t distrust someone, unless they have given you a reason to not trust them. Have they cheated on you before? If not, then trust them. It is never okay to accuse someone of cheating unless you
absolutely know for certain they are cheating. So many people have come to the conclusion
their partner is cheating on them when their partner doesn’t do everything they want them to do. It really distracts from the real problem, which is some other underlying relationship issue that is causing a strain on the relationship.
Okay, okay, so you still want to know that they are not cheating. So how can you figure this out the correct way? Well first of all, don’t be a snoop and hack into their email or anything else. That is an obvious no-no. Intruding into your partner’s privacy shows a lack of respect you have for your partner.

First of all, if you are in a committed relationship with someone, you should be able to talk about anything and everything. Nothing is off limits. So don’t be afraid to ask tough questions. But how do you ask without sounding accusatory? I would simply ask a hypothetical question, for example, “If you ever cheated on me, would you tell me?”
Listen to their response. If they say yes, then I think you are okay. If they come back with a response like, “Why would you ask me that?” Then they are showing a little defense. Not a good sign, but don’t accuse them yet. Just say you’re just curious. If they continue to be on the defense, and are trying to avoid talking about it, then you might ask them if they have ever cheated.

Plan for a future

Don’t enter a long distance relationship if you aren’t willing to have your life changed drastically. A relationship cannot remain long distance forever. At least one person is eventually going to have to move for the other, if not both. You both have to be willing to move for the other person. If you really love each other, this shouldn’t be a problem. You shouldn’t be in a long distance relationship if you don’t love them anyway. Long distance relationships, are not casual relationships, they can’t be. Long distance dating isn’t like same city dating, where in same city dating, a relationship may start off as casual. A couple that has entered a long distance relationship must agree that they are in a committed relationship.

Visit as often as reasonably possible

Set a date. Planning for a visit gives you both something to look forward to. Visits can be such a wonderful boost for a long distance relationship. Plan for the expense. Save up money. Split the costs. Whatever it takes, know that it is always worth making the trip to see the one you love. But be reasonable – make sure you can afford a trip before you spend all your savings.

Communicate at a regular, but reasonable frequency

Some couples will talk for several hours per day. That isn’t right for everyone, in fact, that is quite extreme. But communicating once every couple of weeks is also extreme. If you can help it, try to communicate on a daily basis, and then figure out a reasonable amount of time you can each spend on the phone. Some people’s lives may be busier than others, so the amount of communication in relationship can vary. There is not set magical amount of time that everyone should spend. Respect that they may be very busy on day that you might have completely free. At least call each day to say “goodnight.” I believe that is something most people should be able to do without too much difficulty if they have a phone.

If you’re worried about phone bills, I think it’s time to purchase cell phones with providers that allow free calling within the network, even if it means having to switch phone companies or get plans with enough minutes so you won’t run out and get charged more if you go over your limit. If you live in different countries, or you can’t afford to switch cell phone providers right away, try free internet calls through services such as Skype.

Do get a webcam and good internet service

This may be out of your control if you’re a teenager in a long distance relationship, and your parents don’t want to spend on money on high speed internet or lend you the cash to get a webcam (teenagers out there reading this, if you have these things, consider yourself lucky to have supporting parents!). If however, it is within your means to have these things, do it! Your relationship will be much much much better. And I don’t know what you’ve been waiting for. You certainly won’t regret it.
A webcam allows more interaction than a phone ever could. A webcam gives you the ability to learn your partner’s body language and facial expressions. Interactions are also much more enjoyable and there is less pressure to speak when you don’t have much to say – another advantage of using a webcam versus using the phone alone.

Don’t be afraid to show you’re afraid

Don’t be afraid to share insecurities or ask the questions you want to ask. Communication should be open. Who better, but your boyfriend/girlfriend, to answer your questions or give you reassurance about any insecurity you may have about your relationship.

Don’t forget you have a life

For some personalities, it can be easy to become consumed by your relationship, so much to a point that you forget about your friends and family around you. Long distance relationships can consume a good amount of your time, but don’t lose your connections with other people in the process. Make sure your long distance love life is balanced with your everyday life at home. It’s okay to tell friends “no” every once in a while when they ask you to go out with them if you are planning to spend time with your long distance boyfriend/girlfriend, but don’t say no every time. At the same time, don’t treat your boyfriend/girlfriend as if they are a lower priority than your friends and don’t always choose your friends over him/her.

Do have date nights

Set aside time for a date night every week. Watch a movie together, eat the same meal, find things to do to interact online, or just chat it up for a longer amount of time on the phone than usual. Just because you’re far away doesn’t mean you can’t have a date.

How to handle long distance arguments

It’s going to happen eventually if you haven’t had an argument already. Having an argument long distance is not easy. There are certain things you should and should not do in an argument.

- Don’t hang up the phone. As tempting as it might be, this is the worst thing you could possibly do. It is disrespectful and in my opinion no one deserves it. Try to stick it out. Make a promise to each other that you will not hang up the phone.

- Don’t interrupt. Take turns explaining your points, and hear the other person out.

- Actually listen to what they are saying and don’t think about why they are wrong or prepare how you are going to argue what they are saying, just listen. Don’t dismiss their points even if you think they are downright wrong. Show them some respect, if you want respect in return.

- Tell them how you feel about what they did. Say how they made you feel. For example, “I feel like I’m low priority in your busy life.” Instead of, “You make hanging out with me a lower priority than hanging out with your friends.” The difference? Using the second sentence is going to make them feel defensive and they are only going to argue with you. Telling them how it makes you feel will be a lot more effective.

- Try to find a compromise. Agree on something you’re both comfortable with even if it means not getting exactly what either of you want. It’s better than not getting what you want at all.

- Don’t use the cold shoulder technique. This is just as bad as hanging up. Giving someone the cold shoulder (aka. not speaking to them) is only going to make things worse. You’re not going to get any happier, and they aren’t either. And it’s not going to make them come crawling to you for forgiveness and give you what you want (the usual motive, whether the person doing the ignoring will admit to that or not). Just don’t do it.

- Don’t put off conflict. Get it over and done with. The longer it lingers, the longer it will be affecting your relationship in a negative way.

- Don’t create an argument. Sometimes people will get frustrated with the distance and make a big deal about something small that probably wouldn’t usually bother them. Avoid creating an argument in the first place and you’ll save yourself a lot trouble. If you are frustrated with the distance, talk about it with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Venting about what you’re really upset with is better than getting into a heated argument about something unrelated.

- Avoid having an argument online. If you start to argue, it is better to talk it out, instead of instant messaging. The last thing you need is to be misinterpreted.

Definite Don’ts for any Long Distance Relationship

I’ve already mentioned some “Don’ts” in the previous section, but here are some other things you should avoid .

1. Don’t expect them to always answer their phone. Just because they don’t answer their phone, doesn’t mean it is a giveaway that they are cheating or are intentionally ignoring you. Don’t get yourself riled up. They are more likely than not too busy to answer their phone or their phone is in a different room and they don’t hear it. Don’t have high expectations like this, period.

2. Don’t put yourself in certain situations. Although people in long distance relationships don’t cheat any more than people in same city relationships, cheating continues to be a big concern in LDRs. To avoid being accused of cheating, avoid putting yourself in situations where cheating might actually be tempting. Don’t hang around others that you know are into you or that at some point were interested in before you started dating your long distance boyfriend/girlfriend. Just don’t hang out alone with someone that might be a sexual interest. Don’t put yourself in any situation that might be suspicious if your girlfriend/boyfriend found out about it. You will save
yourself a lot of trouble.

3. Don’t lie. Obvious, but don’t lie to avoid your girlfriend/boyfriend. For example, if your boyfriend/girlfriend calls and you don’t want to talk to them because he/she called you 5 times already today, don’t tell them you’re busy writing a paper, or grocery shopping, or whatever to get out of a conversation with them. Just tell them you don’t want to talk to them and you need a day to do whatever you want. Long distance relationships can be draining of course and we all need some space, even in a LDR. It’s okay to ask for space, but don’t overdo it.

4. Don’t let them control your life, and don’t control theirs. There are some ridiculous stuff that people do that I can’t believe others have let happen in their relationships, or why people would even stay in these relationships. They are in a long distance situation, and their boyfriend/girlfriend tries to control them.
This can be somewhat innocent such as people asking us how they can make their boyfriend/girlfriend go to a certain school that is close to them, how to get their EX boyfriend/girlfriend to go back to them after many months, or how to make their boyfriend/girlfriend do nice things for them. It can also be extreme.

For example, people have had so much control over their boyfriend/girlfriend that they have manipulated them to send money to them on a regular basis. That certainly isn’t a healthy relationship (and if you’re in that situation, get out of it!). For the more innocent things, such as wanting your boyfriend/girlfriend to do nice things for you, do nice things for them first. Don’t make them do them. Make them WANT to do them.

5. Do not have a “break.” I personally don't think having a break helps any relationship. Nothing gets "fixed" and you return to the relationship with the same issues because you didn't work on them together, all you did was avoid them. Problems have to be sorted out together, not apart. Being able to successfully work out problems is a test for every relationship, and something you need to be able to do as a couple.
Lastly…
Remember the reason you are in this relationship. You love each other! And if you have love, then you can’t let distance destroy that. It is an obstacle, that most people do not have to face,
and if you can overcome this, and make it to a point where you can finally live in the same home,
then you will be able to overcome many other challenges you may face in the future. So for now, in this chapter of your relationship, make the most of it! And enjoy the small but great benefits long distance can offer to your relationship including but not limited to sweet reunions and better communication.